The Gaming Den

Well, I'm asking this here because I know plenty of people were able to help Count, and because the people here tend to be intelligent enough for me to at least hear them out. And because the person it regards doesn't check these forums...

I'm in a relationship with a beautiful young woman, but I'm not happy. She is a bitch, not generally towards me, but she does bitch at me a disproportionately large amount of the time, specifically when she's pissed at other people. She doesn't handle such things particularly well, possibly because she is bipolar*, and possibly schizophrenic*. She also asks me to do a rather large number of things for her, which, to some degree I can't blame her for, if we're both sitting and she goes into the kitchen or the bedroom, I may ask her to grab something for me while she's up, but she doesn't wait for me to get up, we'll both be sitting watching tv, and she'll ask me to go get her a soda or something, or she'll ask me to do things that really only affect her, in short, she pretty much asks me to do everything, even when it'd be quicker for her to do it herself for reasons such as proximity. She also asks for so many things, or comments on so many desires that it's gotten to the point that when she says "you know what I want?" I reply, half the time out loud, "everything" and stop listening in any real sense of the word. She also expects me to go out and find a new second job(I'm working one job at the moment, and until recently, I worked two, now I need to find another second job) when she works only one job. I can vaguely understand why I'm expected to get a new second job, as she is currently, for all intents and purposes, the bread winner and I do need to pull my own weight, but am I wrong in thinking that she should perhaps also be looking for a second job, especially when her current job demands less hours than I put in on my former job?
Basically, I'm not happy, but I'm desperate for some kind of companionship, do not relish the idea of trying to find someone else to put up with me, especially because this is three out of three women actually willing to jump my fat ass that has turned out to be a pain, to put it lightly,nor can I actually support myself at this exact moment.
Would it be particularly heinous of me to stick with her until I find new prospects in the way of finances and relationships?
What, supposedly, should I in fact do?



*These are things no one is to ever bring up should they actually meet the person in question and I, as we may well be dead shortly thereafter.

With company, as with gaming, 'none' is better than 'bad.' You don't seem to have any particular sentimental attachment to this woman, or indeed anything positive to say about her (except beautiful). Your specific complaints seem petty, but when petty things annoy disproportionately, that's a bad sign. So my first response is to say dump her now.

However, I get the impression that you might not have had a conversation with her about the state of the relationship and your dissatisfaction. If you have not, do so ASAP. Communication and honesty are the foundation of relationships, etc., etc.

Also, I'm not in favor of people becoming homeless, so if you can't support yourself and don't have any other place to crash, I would excuse you for clinging to a charade for a while, but it would be better if you could stay under honest circumstances.

Actually, I'm honestly unsure how I feel about her. I think I love her, but she does annoy me with a lot of the things I posted. I also know that, assuming she is in fact bipolar/schizo, she can't help alot of it. I think I'm too damaged from past "all in's" that didn't work out to even believe I might know what I want right now. I'm also far from well adjusted. I have no clue what I want, what I should do, how I actually feel, or anything, really, other than that for me, some company is better than none, I have no where to go, and don't plan on moving anywhere for another year, seeing as I just moved into my current residence over this past week and a half. I also know that she doesn't handle confrontation of any sort well, so I feel I can't talk to her about these things. I also am fairly close to being damaged goods myself, and need a lot of work, various things in my childhood left me with several complexes that she doesn't know how to deal with, so she doesn't even try, even when all I'm looking for at a given moment is sympathy or a shoulder on which to cry.
I know she cares for and treasures me, and that e leaving her would devastate her, and I know that, to some degree, at least, I care about and treasure her, so I suppose it really would be best to talk to her, and see where things go from there.

The questions you should be asking are:

Am I happy around this person? Am I comfortable with her?

And you can answer them on your own.

I offer you this cautionary tale, however...

http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/rachael/

Okay, first things first: you have to talk to her about these things. Be gentle, patient, reassuring, get a mutual friend to mediate, do whatever you have to do, but talk to her. If you don't let her know what bothers you, you are denying her the chance to address them and things cannot get better.

If you really think she actually has serious mental conditions, get advice from a professional first, though.

Bill Adama said 'If you think you love someone, then you love them; that's what love is: thoughts.' Personally, I think love is a choice, and the reason you're confused is that you haven't made that choice. Make it, one way or the other, and say it out loud. Things should be a bit clearer after that.

One thing to try on the matter of the things that annoy you is to accept them as part of a person you care about. Again, saying out loud 'I accept...' will help. Such things often start to seem cute instead.

I have no clue whether she actually has serious mental problems or not, she says she does, also including OCD(which I can and simultaneously can't see), I can see the bipolar, and it does run in her family, I am willing to believe she has schizophrenia, but not sure whether she does or is just trying to play the victim card. the problem is that in addition to, or as part of, I don't know how it works, the bipolar, she is manic depressive, while I'm generally pretty mellow, or am mellow/rage filled, I suppose, so when she gets manic she starts to mess with me while I'm trying to do other things, like work on gaming stuff, play ds, read, whatever, by poking or tickling me, I can put up with some tickling/poking, because that's actually how I flirt, in a kind of "oh my lord, that's embarrasingly juvenile, isn't it?" kind of way, but it does annoy me, especially when I'm doing something. She has two siblings so she was condiitioned to find someone to entertain her, while I'm an only child and so learned to entertain myself. She doesn't do this as much, recently, probably because she usually doesn't have the energy with her 25 hour work week, and she also has more to do now that all of her stuff is in one place, and we are know on our own so there are things that need to be done that have to be done by us, and she has a new kitten to play with. By and large, I think I am generally happy, or the closest to being so I ever really have been, but there are times when she bitches, nags and yells at me and it puts me in an off mood. I think the bitching and nagging are getting more frequent, as well as the asking me to do things. Another thing is that while we were moving into our apartment, she helped carry very little into said apartment, and while some of this can be attributed to her being petite and not able to carry much, there were plenty of light boxes she could have carried, while I carried heavier ones. As it is, she busied herself with various fairly pointless things in the apartment while I, an out of shape, heavy young man carried in box after box with little to no help for the majority of it in a sacramento summer heat. I think that's the major thing that annoys me, she doesn't seem to pull her own weight, like cleaning out the cat box when the two cats in the apartment are actually hers, she refers to them as mine as well, but I think it's just so she can pawn off the less pleasant chores onto me without being able to argue without sounding like a jerk.

I'll echo the importance of communication. Talk to her.

Also, anything you want to say can be said in an infinite number of ways. People have buttons, and you need to go out of your way not to press them (the people you care about anyways). You might say something to someone twice in different ways, and they could take offense in one instance and not in another.

Don't ask questions that are predisposed to lead to arguments/bad feelings. The "Do I look fat in this dress?" is a classic example. These are stupid little traps that you should neither ask or answer.

Choose not to take offense. You say you are annoyed when you are busy and she starts messing with you. Realize that she just wants to be with you. She doesn't want to upset you, she just doesn't realize that it does, or she doesn't know how to ask you to spend time with her appropriately. Realize that her intentions are good, don't get annoyed, and try to progress from a positive point.

I've been there, Prak. And I know exactly what to tell you, because I don't want you to end up in the regretful mire I went through 9 years ago with my second ex-girlfriend (hint: right now she's run off with young hobos/mod-bums, got accidentally pregnant and due in a month, piss poor, mooching off of more 'new friends', and probably back on weed. maybe heroin again)

Take initiative. Don't be afraid to be The Mean One, because it would be truly mean to both of you to let this go on any longer.
Dump her now.
And don't ever consider going back.
Don't date her friends, her co-workers, relatives, or any girl you've met through her.
Start fresh!

Or you could do what I did for 3 years.
Be single/flinging for some time, and leave the possibility for new romance open. Don't think of the past, though. Always look forward to how you can improve yourself, your skills, and someone will notice you for your efforts.
I met my current girlfriend in a local gaming store (cliche?) but finding one with similar interests could theoretically happen anywhere.
If you suspect your own 'maturity level' isn't quite in your age range then by all means 'date younger', but not too far. Like, put a limit of 5 years or so difference. But no high schoolers!!!
Just keep in mind the ask-3-open-questions rule for starting conversations, don't grin too much, and never invite her to a D&D game unless she asks.



As for the Count, I've come to the opinion now that he genuinely enjoys his own misfortune as comic relief. And that's just how he'll stay until he doesn't like the feeling any more.
And don't get me wrong, some make their torment into great comedy routines, but personally I find slapstick better than wordplay.

sigma gives some fucking horrible advice, don't listen to him.

Maxus wrote:I offer you this cautionary tale, however...

http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/rachael/

Why would you even post that here? The situation is nothing like Prak is describing.

If you have no other viable means of support you are basically stuck whether you want to be or not. Since she's not abusing you, merely being needy and annoying this shouldn't be untenable. Personally I wouldn't approve of prolonging such a charade, but you don't have the same moral compass as I do.

As to the actual relationship itself. You say "I think I love her", but real long term love doesn't just happen, what you're feeling will, in fact, go away sooner or later. It may or may not come back over the course of years. Any lasting relationship, especially a romantic relationship, takes a lot of work, but it can be the most wonderful rewarding thing you can experience in this life. If you want this to go on and get better you need to be able to get a positive answer to two questions. Are you willing to really put yourself out there and work hard for this relationship to work, for her at least as much as for yourself? Is she willing to do the same? If not, then you can't have a good future with her until those things change.

From what I see, you need to work on yourself before you'll be ready for a happy, functional romantic relationship with anyone, let alone someone with severe issues of there own. You can open up real communication with her, and work together for the good of both of you, or you can cut and run and try to work on yourself alone. The latter may well be less painful, but only you can know that for sure.

Read a (good) relationship book, see a psychologist, see whether or not you can figure yourself out.

No matter what you do there will be pain and there will be problems. Whether this is the terrible but temporary pain of recovery or the muted and lingering pain of decay is entirely your decision.

The thing I note more than anything is that nothing she is actually doing seems to be particularly bad or even important. She seems to want to be "taken care of" in various frankly small ways. Not really a big deal when it comes down to it, because taking care of beautiful women is fun.

A little bit of changed perspective may be in order. If people are bitchy in general, you may have to look at that in a humorous light. I know that many of my friends are abrasive, and I put up will their abrasiveness because I understand that they are going to act like that. When you expect people to be somewhat grating, it doesn't really matter to you when they are.

On the other hand, you literally can't spend all your time with someone. Even if they are Belle from Beauty and the Beast you will get sick of them and want some time to yourself. Go for a walk in the swamp/forest/hills/whatever your area has. Heck, go on a trip and visit friends. Arrange it to happen when your GF has to work or go to school or something. It doesn't even matter. Send her a postcard. It's romantic and you don't have to talk to her while you are doing it.

---

Yeah, I've had crazy girlfriends before. So has my friend Amiruth. Sometimes they try to poison or stab you (seriously). But mostly they just have various unusual needs out of a relationship. But unusual does not mean unreasonable.

-Username17

Honestly, it sounds like you have thigns pretty good, unless you're understating the problem.

Some quick comments:

Wanting to be with you constantly: there are three ways to solve this, use all of them

1-- resign yourself to some minor annoyance, and just don't let it be a big deal
2-- explain to her the importance fo having some downtime, and maybe stake out one or two "sacred" activities.
3-- does she have friends or interests outside your relationship? If not, help her find some.

On the Cats, and Housework

If you're living together, the cats are just as much yours as hers. She should certainly do her part-- unless of course she makes up for it in other housework. It's important that you find a balance where you're both doing a reasonable share of the housework. You may feel like you're being overworked, but I'd talk with ehr about it, and maybe make lists. Most women do lots of work around he house that men may not even notice. We're a long way from equality. And if she's working mor ehours, she has that bit of leverage.

On the carrying things story:

since this happened all of once, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. You say she was doing unimportant stuff in the house, but it probably seemed important to her. I doubt she had any idea you were upset, and probably still doesn't. That kind of thing is easily corrected with a "honey, little help here?" Or just dealing.

Manic depressive = Bipolar. Its the same thing.

If you're going to QQ about your weight, exercise/eat better. It'll help more.

No matter what anyone you are with will find at least a couple ways to piss you off. If its really enough of a deal to leave her over then do so. Or do what Frank said and accept that she is human and therefore imperfect.

If you're really that terrible with women theres always the advice I gave Count. Become gay.

Wow.

Sounds alot like my relationship.

...But we do things by being open and honest and taking time every month or so to check in on how much we're leaning upon the other and demanding of their time and attentions. We choose something to focus on in the next month or so to alleviate the pressure on each other.

That's my solution. Our tenth anniversary is this July.

-Crissa

Alright, you made the mistake of not telling her to go fuck herself when she told you to get a second job. But I forgive you, I made the same mistake around the third or fourth year of my marriage. It's hard to tell someone off when you think you love someone.

Here's the truth: Love doesn't actually exist. It's a function of brain chemicals. There's nothing special or anything about it, if you drop this person you'll find another person that makesw your brain react in the same way next time.

When lust wears off, all that's left is whether or not you can put up with the other person's bullshit, and whether or not they can tolerate yours.

Want to be working a second job and waiting on this sloth hand and foot in twenty years? That's your answer.

And sigma: Shut the fuck up. I haven't mentioned anything about my personal life here for a long time. There was no need for you to bring it up.

Surgo wrote:

Maxus wrote:I offer you this cautionary tale, however...

http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/rachael/

Why would you even post that here? The situation is nothing like Prak is describing.

I probably should have put up an explanation.

See, I've done the couch thing where I give friends advice on relationships and emotions and be a sympathetic ear and say what needs to be said, but I don't know anyone here well enough to do that and be confident I'm giving good advice. It's not much help, but the explanation was, "If your interactions with each other start looking like this, get the hell out of Dodge. I hope it doesn't ever turn into something like that, though."

Good god, I don't understand how anyone could put up with that crap. That's messed up.

The count did make an important point. That feeling, that "love", is just chemistry and it's not permanent. A romantic relationship done well can bring about mutual emotional dividends, and plenty of other benefits, far greater than the mutual healthy infatuation in which it was conceived, but it doesn't just happen. Both people have to work for each offers benefit.

So yeah, as has been said by most people so far, communicate. The first confrontation may be ugly, judging from what you've told us, but things will never get better without that first step. Good luck dude.[/url]

they guy is insane for moving out with her.. twice.

What the hell? Why would you do that?

Angel wrote:Communication and honesty are the foundation of relationships, etc., etc.

I phrase it communication and trust, but the gist is the same. Ultimately, if your relationship doesn't have these two things as foundations (and it doesn't matter what kind of relationship, either - you and your <insert boss, dog, mom, significant figure, child, friend, etc>), and no one is making progress to obtain these two things, the relationship will fail.

Prak wrote:Actually, I'm honestly unsure how I feel about her.

Before you do anything, you need to know what you want. And I don't mean knowing what you don't want. I mean knowing what you want. Take the time to stop and really think hard about that question because it's probably the most important and beneficial thing you can do for yourself. And don't content yourself with the easy, knee-jerk answer, either. Really get into why and how you want something.

But as you try to figure that out, keep in mind that there is not a single human being on the planet who won't drive you crazy at some point. I love my mom and my husband and my siblings, but there are days when I'd like to strangle them. And there are days when they'd like to strangle me.

I used to have a really cute weiner dog named Oscar. The first year of his existence, he ate eight pairs of my shoes and my favorite slippers. But I didn't hate him when he did it. I hated what he did.

Keep that in mind when you're thinking about getting rid of a person. Because you can talk to a person about things that drive you nuts, and you can actually fix them. It's a lot harder to talk to someone when you've decided you don't like them.

Prak wrote:I also know that, assuming she is in fact bipolar/schizo, she can't help alot of it.

You see yourself as overweight and not very happy, and you see her as having mental problems. I see two people who live, and presumably eat, together who both have problems that could be related. Try improving what you guys are eating. It helps far more often than most people realize.

Prak wrote:She also expects me to go out and find a new second job

There is more miscommunication here because what you've said on the subject implies that it's not really how many jobs you have, but how much of the household finances each one of you can pay for. You guys need to sit down and discuss who has the responsibility for what. If she thinks that you need a second job because you're not paying a large enough share of the expenses, that's one thing. If she wants you to get a second job because you are concerned about your weight and she thinks it will keep you busy so you can shed the pounds, that's something entirely different.

The same applies to chores around the house. And don't be embarassed to do something like make a chore list for each person to do. That kind of thing is important to have clearly delineated when you're occupying the same space as someone else.

Angel wrote:Okay, first things first: you have to talk to her about these things. Be gentle, patient, reassuring, get a mutual friend to mediate, do whatever you have to do, but talk to her. If you don't let her know what bothers you, you are denying her the chance to address them and things cannot get better.

Well said.

Bringing a list of things to talk about is good. Bringing it with the intention of improving your relationship is better (rather than criticizing or finding a reason to get rid of her). I recommend talking about the most important things to you first. And don't bring everything all at once because it's overwhelming - get the big thing(s) out of the way to see how she responds, and see if/how things improve. If she adores you, I can't imagine her not working it out with you, but if she doesn't want to help you with the big stuff, then there's no point bringing up the smaller details.

Again... Know what you want. If you don't like something, have a solution proposed. She can modify it, but don't ever just say, "I don't like <whatever>." It robs both of you of a solution because you're essentially saying that something is someone else's problem, and you're not going to be helpful in solving it.

Maxus wrote:It's not much help, but the explanation was, "If your interactions with each other start looking like this, get the hell out of Dodge. I hope it doesn't ever turn into something like that, though."

While it's easy to dismiss the girl as being insecure and having lots of baggage in the area of trust, the guy sharing this wasn't entirely blameless, either. I don't think on that entire page I saw him genuinely make an effort to understand her perspective, let alone try to communicate with her about it.

But your conclusion is dead on: If you start having a relationship that looks like that, leave - because you most certainly aren't even slightly interested in being there at all.

She sounds a bit like my current gf and she is nowhere near the class of my ex. As Frank said, you are not really in anything horrible, it's just that the two of you see your relationship in different ways. Sit down and talk to her is probably the best thing you can do. She may not even realize how you feel about these things. Remember that you are with her so she can't be all bad.

Oh, and another thing. How long have you been dating? It's pretty common to be disillusioned by someone after about half a year. It took a friend of mine 3 years to realize that his gf was a bitch and not merely direct and untactful. It's possible that you are projecting your other problems (work etc) on to her. After all, the thing she does didn't annoy you when you first met her.

It's all a matter of perspective, man.

I know a guy who attracts madwomen, but nothing as apparently bad as that so far...

I think our main problems are that we both have anger issues and shitty communication, I'm sure you can see the problems such things conspire to raise. For now, I'm just trying to get us both better at communication and managing our anger, because I do enjoy her company, and I do, at least, like her, but she wants the relationship to move faster than I do(she wants an engagement, I don't think I'm quite ready for what such implies, although we already live together), and she and I both need to work on our issues and some double standards. (You can not imagine how badly she explodes when I snap at her when I'm pissed at something else, and yet she see's no problem in bitching at me when she's pissed at something else).

Hopefully things will work themselves out, and if they don't, well, I'm giving them 12 months, because that's how long our lease is, atm, and by then we should both be able to work out supporting ourselves.

boolean wrote:since this happened all of once, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. You say she was doing unimportant stuff in the house, but it probably seemed important to her. I doubt she had any idea you were upset, and probably still doesn't. That kind of thing is easily corrected with a "honey, little help here?" Or just dealing.

It happened several times because our move was somewhat prolonged, but it's as you said, what she was doing seemed important to her, she didn't know I was upset, we talked about it this morning(at 3 in the fucking am when I had to get up for class at 7...)

Draco_Argentum wrote:If you're really that terrible with women theres always the advice I gave Count. Become gay.

funny thing is, I'm bi.

Count wrote:Alright, you made the mistake of not telling her to go fuck herself when she told you to get a second job. But I forgive you, I made the same mistake around the third or fourth year of my marriage. It's hard to tell someone off when you think you love someone.

Actually, I can't, I dont get anywhere near enough hours at me current job to support us, so I do actually need to get a new job. The job I lost was my 26 hour/week one, and I actually chose to work two jobs in the first place.

Maj wrote:You see yourself as overweight and not very happy, and you see her as having mental problems. I see two people who live, and presumably eat, together who both have problems that could be related. Try improving what you guys are eating. It helps far more often than most people realize.

She says she has these problems, and has said so since before we actually started dating, let alone living together, I doubt her problems have to do with mine, and I've mine since before I knew her, so I know that our problems aren't inter-related, and wether they're related to our food habits or not, we can't, short of turning our apartment's balcony into a small farm, afford to change them. I'm pretty much living on PB&J and Kool-aid/soda right now, with the occasional lemonaide, and ramen thrown in.

If she thinks that you need a second job because you're not paying a large enough share of the expenses, that's one thing.

That's really it right there. My next paycheck has four hours on it... my paycheck after that might not have more than 16.

shirak wrote:How long have you been dating?

about a year and four months.

Fwib wrote:I know a guy who attracts madwomen, but nothing as apparently bad as that so far...

From what I can tell, I attract mad women and damaged goods.

First, my qualifications are that I am am dating/engaged to a girl that I have been dating for 3 years, we have been engaged for almost 2, and living together for almost 2. Take that as you will, I am 22 years old and have the tendency towards longer relationships (>6 months) mostly because I'm easygoing.

You need communication. Please allow me to list the 3 most important things in a relationship (this comes from an old pastor):
Communication
Communication
Communication

Allow me to list to list the 3 top reasons why marriages break up (given to me by my father, who has been through 3 marriages):
Money issues
Lack of communication (anger issues and "not feeling appreciated/happy"fall into here)
Lack of sex/Bad sex (usually brought on by money or communication issues)

Seriously, if you cannot talk to her or she is unwilling to listen to CALM, RATIONAL comments, then you need to dump her. An example of such comment is described below:
"I feel as though our communication issues are poor and that I am unappreciated in our relationship. I am trying to pick up more/less work in an effort to smooth things over, but we are going to need to talk about it"

DO NOT PUT IT OFF. Putting off arguments only makes them worse. "hey babe, can you help me with the lighter boxes?" can easily turn to the "you never help me, you didn't help me moving and don't care about how I feet about it"

blah. blah. blah. She has emotional/psychological issues. That's fine, if you cannot talk to her without her using that as a crutch, it is time to break up because real relationships do not happen without communication. Also, I would address those issues in a conversation, you know, what with the communication.

If she (and you too!) does not change minor habits as a result of communication, it is time to break up with her. Be willing to compromise.

Also, inevitably one person works more than another and one person does more housework than another. Fine a ratio that works for you. My mother made ~15% more income than my step-father and he did ~90% of the chores. My stepmother makes more than my father and also does ~70% of the chores. Find a ratio that works for you and go with it. Also, the ratio will not change unless you talk to her. I cannot recall a time when someone volunteered to do extra chores, or take up a second job.

Cats are not an issue, I do none of the cat stuff around here (2 cats, both mine, actually). I buy all of the cat stuff with the intent that someone else does the daily maintenance. We have an understanding that the person that cooks does not have to do dishes. I do the laundry and trash, she picks up the apartment and keeps things in place, files, pays rent/bills (with a shared 'rent account', our finances are not mingled), etc. The key thing here is that we communicate on the issues rather than letting them get out of proportion. Your issue with the cats is a lack of communication.

Anger issues and poor communication (from previous post) are the same thing, starting to see a trend yet? In my relationship a good yelling fight goes a long way towards releasing anger on both sides, you just have to make sure that you end in a better place than you started .

Are you in school or something? Is there some reason why you only work 4-16 hr/week? I mean, under those circumstances, I would consider alternate employment, even if just at a restaurant for free/discounted food (Subway is great for this because people use the store like a personal refrigerator in my area), but that is always my backup plan . However, you need to contribute or make her understand that you cannot contribute for one reason or another and then cope with the consequences.

Sometimes I find it difficult to start a conversation that I know we have to have, such as:
"When we have sex, I don't feel if you care if I orgasm or not as long as you do" (an example of a difficult issue to talk about, not a real issue).
I find that it helps to just freaking say it. Throw it out there and say it. then, deal with the discussion that follows. If you have an issue, you need to bring it up, however badly she reacts, however difficult it is to talk about, however embarrassing it is, however much trust may be betrayed through confession, whatever, you need to talk about it because nothing, I mean nothing, will be resolved until you do.

SunTzuWarmaster wrote:Are you in school or something? Is there some reason why you only work 4-16 hr/week? I mean, under those circumstances, I would consider alternate employment, even if just at a restaurant for free/discounted food (Subway is great for this because people use the store like a personal refrigerator in my area), but that is always my backup plan . However, you need to contribute or make her understand that you cannot contribute for one reason or another and then cope with the consequences.

Actually I am in school, but the reason I don't work more hours is because they just really don't generally have them. My manager knows my basic situation and always tries to find me more hours, and I looking for another job to fill things out.

Also, as I said before, we are both trying to work on our communication and anger issues, the anger issues are really just us getting pissed at random things and then actually expressing that, the issue comes when one of snaps(me) or bitches(her) at the other, I've found I do this a lot less now that I don't drive on a regular basis... the communication issues are just that sometimes I feel like I don't actually have a choice when she tries to get my opinion or that I can't express myself without her flipping out.

I also need to help out more around the apartment, which I'm hopefuly doing better today.